Please Don’t Mind Me, I’m In The Weeds, Cracking Up…PART 1
What you are about to read is majestic. It flows magically like Beyonce’s hair with a big ol’ fan in front of her during OTRII. It is so rhythmic and true and because of this raw beauty - it’s obvious I didn’t write it!
It was written by my ESP twin. Seriously. We think the same thing - all. the. time. It’s weird & cool, but spooky since we’re so different at our core. But perhaps we’re not. I think you’ll see from her beautiful words we’re not all that different - no matter how different we look from the outside.
Enjoy her beauty & strength & gift of verse. I certainly do!
not perfect. just us.
One of the things I appreciate most about her. I can always be me, even if I’m in the weeds.
Howdy kind friends and friendly strangers, alike. I’ve been thinking an incredible amount lately about perfection. Or rather, the illusion of perfection, and the pressure that it bestows upon our perfectly crooked little crowns.
Sometimes I’m too busy to feel the weight of it…or perhaps more able to access and embrace my gratitude. On particularly great days I’m grounded and balanced, unshakable and present.
But alas, it never strays too far. Perhaps we beckon it to ourselves, or we are being fed by the big machine…maybe it is impossible to escape because everyone we know and love is a little, to a lot ate up with it. How can we not be? Join any social media platform and the illusion of perfection is everywhere. I seriously look at some accounts and think – that person has 50 kids, a kick ass career and every single photo looks effortless and breezy, not to mention in the same color tones and filter Every.Single.Time. In addition, said 50 kids are dressed in what looks like an intense clothing budget of magazine worthy perfection. Oh and they are all fit to the hilt to boot. “What.The.F?” And let me be clear – ZERO negative vibes. I salute that glory; I give it the biggest and brightest gold star as I shake my head and say, “Just wow. Just how?” I am fully in all kinds of awe. Those lives look REALLY nice.
Meanwhile, I dropped my phone today, which is not in a case (because that would make sense) and cracked it for the 1,000th time. I looked at the cracks and thought – You cannot escape your mess. Always breaking things. Our life doesn’t belong in a good filter. You are not perfection and have a million and one flaws. Your kids are not perfect students and want to wear their hair in their face because they think foreheads look like eggs and wear crazy mismatch outfits because they are finding their sense of fashion. One keeps asking for purple hair and the other never wants to take off their robe or leave the house - and wears your sneakers to school…don’t even ask. The healthy eater has a permanent stomachache and the chicken nugget and carbs only kid had to have their cholesterol doubly checked. Shocker… FAILING. We don’t read enough and we screen out too much. The laundry is a real American Horror Story and rarely lives outside of a basket. You sent the robe child for picture day a week early 7 years ago and they still second-guess you on all special school days. You forgot Valentine’s one year for the child who has had 2 broken arms in a mere 8 years of life even though you are a helicopter parent. You race through school work and run to activities and feel the weight and the pace of go go go….Faster, better, stronger, more. And don’t forget to eat organic and take your damn vitamins or you are the worst.
Our marriage has had big foibles and flaws…we have snipped and sniped and not been careful enough around the robe wearer and the purple hair wisher. We have seen and felt their worries and feel others must certainly do it better – pray more, play more, love harder. That is not to say that we don’t do those things SO BIG, SO MUCH, but we are never the people in the perfect photos. We are messy. We are full of love…and mistakes.
I have often of late called this stage of life, being in the weeds. To my surprise, a friend that I have a crazy mind meld with (Taurus/Virgo holler!) did not respond to a group text last week, and when I called her to see if she was ok she said, “Thank you for calling, I’m in the weeds.” I look to her as the ultimate at keeping it “together”. She works incredibly hard and has a natural knack for being seriously sussed out. If life grabs her by the tail, she grabs it right back (then throws it like a million pound weight – literally – another story) and shows it who’s boss. And somehow throws in the respectable amount of wine and dancing with her friends. Grace personified. But I felt it – In her words, in her voice. She was having a moment. I couldn’t fix it and I didn’t try to. I simply wanted her to know I was there – as she has done for me so many times. I see you.
So kind friends and friendly strangers alike…these words are for you. Everyone that is together and not so together, in the weeds of life. Whether your social media account is oh so pretty, or really raw & messy you are not alone. For those moments that hurt deep…you have loss, sadness, illness and disappointment – you mess up, learn, grow and crawl to find grace. Forgive others, forgive yourself, and pray for peace. When you worry, worry, worry and hide so you can cry. To the pretty social media owners, you give us something to feel short of, but also something visually stunning to behold. Your tears, your worries and shortcomings are welcome here too. Wouldn’t it be great if there were a National Day of Mess? One day that we could all put down the mask, turn off the speeding engine, and make each other laugh with the beautiful imperfect mess that is life.
I love a perfect photo, and a good story, don’t get me wrong…But I also love the truth.
When you ugly cry so hard your imperfections glow…you giggle so deep your laugh lines show…your mistakes make you human and force you to grow…when love is the answer to all you need to know.
In there is the real meaning of life…Outside of the illusion of perfection and deep inside the heart of the mess. So please don’t mind me, I’m in the weeds, cracking up.
Feel welcome to post something beautifully messy!
Peace & Love,
CAM